Disenchanted
Chapter 12
Sunday morning Sammie awoke before Tyler. As he lay in bed watching Tyler
sleep, again he noticed the scars Tyler carried. The ones over his back looked
like cigarette burns. The long scar on his abdomen Sammie guessed was a
puncture wound from maybe a knife, but the initials carved into Tyler's skin
were the ones Sammie found the most disturbing. Some one had branded him.
Sammie slid out of bed silently; deciding today would probably be awkward
enough. He hadn't meant to use Tyler and really he hadn't. His feelings for
the man were genuine; it’s just that well, Steve was still an issue for both of
them, at least for now.
He was in the kitchen making coffee when he heard Tyler padding down the hall.
"Morning," Tyler said rubbing his eyes. And yawning.
"Morning. Coffee?"
"Please."
Sammie set two cups down on the breakfast table and then sat down next to Tyler.
"How are you this morning?" Tyler asked. "Hung over?"
"Not too bad."
"I have fun last night."
"Yeah? I did too."
An awkward silence fell between them until finally Tyler started to giggle.
"What?" Sammie asked.
Tyler shook his head as his giggles turned into laughter.
"What?" Sammie asked again as he began chuckling himself.
"Us," Tyler answered.
"What about us?"
"Were are just so pathetic, that's all."
"Yeah, I suppose we are."
"Sammie, I know the score, it's okay. I know you like me, but I also know that
you can't give yourself to me. We go back to being friends. What happened last
night was wonderful, but it was just a one-time thing. At least for now."
Sammie nodded, "Our timing really sucks."
Tyler shrugged. "We have time."
Guilt stabbed Sammie's heart. "Yeah, the one thing Steve doesn't have."
Tyler's face turned red, he closed his eyes. "Oh, fuck Sammie, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean it like that."
"I know, it's okay"
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
Tuesday afternoon Sammie was at his desk when the phone rang. “This is Sammie.”
“Hey. They’re releasing me,” Steve said.
“When?”
“I guess as soon as someone gets here to pick me up. Should I call Troy?” Troy
had offered to help out since he worked from home.
“No, I’ll be there in half an hour,” Sammie said. He had already made
arrangements with his boss to take the rest of the week off.
He hung up the phone and began gathering files he would need so he could work
from home for the next few days.
“I’ll call you later and see how he’s getting along,” Tyler said as Sammie
cleared off his desk.
“Yeah, or come by if you want.”
“Nah, I’m sure Steve will need to rest, but I’ll call.”
“Okay, see you Thursday then.” Sammie hated to admit it, but he wished he could
figure out a way to spend some time with Tyler, but that train of thought only
led to feelings of guilt. How could he think of wanting to fuck Tyler when
Steve was dealing with cancer?
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
That evening Troy and Joel stopped by to welcome Steve back home. They brought
along some of Joel’s famous homemade minestrone soup.
Steve had fallen asleep in the recliner shortly after they arrived so the three
men sat at the dinning room table chatting over coffee.
“So when does Steve start radiation?” Joel asked.
“Um, Monday,” Sammie replied.
“What sort of schedule?”
“Every morning, five days a week for six weeks.”
“Wow, do they expect him to be pretty sick from it?” Troy spoke up.
“I don’t know, but they keep talking about fighting the cancer aggressively, so
I expect he probably will be.”
“Why don’t you let me drive him to the appointments so you don’t have to take
off work?” Troy offered.
“Are you sure, Troy? I hate to impose on you like that.”
“It’s no problem, really. I can bring my laptop along and work from there, then
bring him back here and stay for a few hours to make sure he’s okay.”
“Oh, wow, thanks, Troy, that would really be a huge help. I’ve talked to my
boss about working from home, but I need to spend as much time in the office as
I can.”
“Well, you know Troy and I will help out in anyway we can,” Joel added.
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
Lisa and Terri came over on Wednesday evening, bringing chicken noodle soup.
Tyler phoned a couple of times to ask how Steve was doing, but declined every
invitation to come by.
Steve spent most of his time in bed as his doctor had ordered. He needed to
regain as much strength as he could before he started the radiation.
That evening Steve was resting in the recliner, saying that he was sick of lying
in bed doing nothing. “Where has Tyler been?”
“Home, I suppose. Why?”
Steve shrugged. “I thought he might stop by.”
Sammie didn’t answer.
“Why don’t you invite him for dinner one night this weekend?”
“I doubt he’d come.”
“Why? Have you been cross with him?”
“No, I haven’t been cross.”
“I thought you said you two were friends.”
“We are.”
”Then invite him over as a friend.”
Sammie furrowed his brow. “Why Steve?”
“I enjoy his company and I’d like to get to know him better.”
Sammie rolled his eyes, “Whatever.” The whole altruistic play was getting old,
besides, Tyler didn’t to want to get involved with someone who was dealing with
his ex dying of cancer.
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
On Thursday Sammie once again returned to work. Steve had regained enough
strength to get around the apartment on his own. Although he was still weak, he
no longer needed help getting in and out of bed. Sammie reluctantly agreed to
go back to work with a promise from Steve to call and report in often.
“You look tired. Still not sleeping well?” Tyler asked over lunch.
Sammie shook his head.
“Dreams?”
“Some nights, other nights I just lay there and worry about him. He is up a lot
at night too, so I suppose I don’t sleep as well because I am trying to listen
for him in case he needs me.”
“You should ask Lisa or Joel to come over for a few hours so you can rest.”
Sammie frowned, stabbing at his salad with his fork. “I know, but I hate to
impose. Besides, I may really need them once the radiation starts.”
“I could come by. Would Steve be okay with that?”
Sammie chuckled, thinking of he and Steve’s earlier conversation. “Oh, I think
he’d be fine with that, but really, I’m okay.”
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
“So did you invite Tyler over?” Steve asked when he called to check in that
afternoon.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“What makes you think he would want to come eat dinner with us?”
“Fine. I’ll call and ask him myself.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“So, you ask him.”
“Fine.”
After Sammie ended the call he walked over to Tyler’s desk. “Do you have a free
evening this weekend?”
“Yeah, do you need some help with Steve?”
Sammie smiled, “No, he is insisting I invite you to the apartment for dinner.”
Tyler smiled, “Sure, I’d like that. Steve’s a nice guy, but are you sure he’s
up to it?”
Sammie shrugged, “Doesn’t much matter. Once Steve gets something in his head
you might as well just step out of the way.”
“Well then, in that case, what night should I be there?”
“Tomorrow? You can ride home with me after work, then I can give you a lift to
your place later that evening.”
“It’s a date.”
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
Friday after work Sammie and Tyler got into Sammie’s Jetta. “How did your
meeting go earlier this week?” he asked, referring to Tyler’s mysterious Tuesday
morning disappearances.
Tyler smiled, “You’re fishing again, and I’m not biting.”
Sammie chuckled. “I have to try every once in a while, you’d be disappointed it
I didn’t.”
As Sammie pulled into the parking garage at the apartment building he glanced
over at Tyler. “Are you nervous?”
“No, should I be?”
Sammie shrugged.
“I’ve meet Steve before, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“It’s no big deal.”
They entered the apartment and the smell of home cooking washed over them.
“Hey,” Sammie said, following the smell into the kitchen. “I thought the deal
was that I would cook when I got home.”
Steve shrugged. “I’m feeling pretty good today. I thought I could start things
for you.”
Sammie rolled his eyes. “Out. Now. Go sit down. You’re supposed to be
resting.”
“Care for some wine, Tyler?” Steve asked, ignoring Sammie’s admonishment.
“Sure,” Tyler said.
Sammie noticed how much Tyler had changed. How much more self-confident he had
become. Gone was the skittish kid who looked like he would bolt if you got too
close. Tyler now seemed to be more comfortable with himself and the world
around him. Sammie privately hoped he helped make that happen in some small
way.
Steve and Tyler sat at the breakfast nook while Sammie finished preparing the
chicken and rice. Steve still had to be careful of what he ate, so Sammie had
been trying new recipes to find meals Steve could tolerate.
“So Tyler, you moved here from Jefferson City. Is that where you grew up?” Steve
asked.
“No, I was born and raised in West Plains.”
“Oh yeah? What was in Jeff City then?”
Sammie froze when he heard Steve’s question.
“It’s a long story.” Tyler tried to play it off.
Steve waited.
“I really don’t like to talk about it,” Tyler finally said.
Steve nodded, “It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up.”
“Oh, Steve,” Sammie interrupted. “There you go, getting all into counselor
mode. Tyler, forgive him for being so nosy.”
Tyler blushed. “It’s okay, you didn’t know,” he said to Steve.
“Steve, Tyler shares your love of old movies,” Sammie tried.
“Really? What’s your favorite?” Steve asked.
“Hmm, probably ‘What Ever Happened to Baby Jane’ or maybe ‘Cleopatra’.”
Steve nodded, becoming more animated. “Oh yeah, I love both of those.”
“What’s yours?” Tyler asked.
“Casablanca.”
The conversation went on with Steve and Tyler throwing out movie titles until
Sammie announced dinner was ready and the three men adjourned to the dinning
room.
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
Over dinner the interrogation continued. "Where in the city do you live?" Steve
asked Tyler.
"Um, in Greenbrier Apartments over on Hillsdale."
"Oh yeah, I have some clients in that area, or rather I had."
Tyler nodded.
"So, that's not a very good area. I would think you make enough money to live
someplace better. Sammie, don’t you guys pay him?”
"Steve," Sammie admonished.
"Well, I'm just asking."
Tyler chuckled nervously, "I do, and I plan to move when my lease is up. I took
the apartment before I found my job."
"You have a roommate?" Steve asked.
"Yeah."
"A friend?"
"Not really, more of an acquaintance. He's a nice enough guy, but he's straight
and I don't think he'd be comfortable if he knew I was gay."
"So you’re in the closet at home?"
"Yeah."
"And out at work. That’s kinda backwards, you realize."
Tyler laughed. "Yeah, but it's not a big deal."
"Man, I think it would suck. I mean you can't even bring a guy home. That has
to be tough on your sex life."
Tyler glanced over at Sammie. "Yeah, well, it's not exactly someplace one would
want to bring anyone."
"Still."
Tyler shrugged.
"So how did you meet him, your roommate?"
"Um, I knew him from a support group type thing."
Steve nodded. "AA?"
"No."
"Steve, leave Tyler alone. You don't need to know every little detail.”
Steve frowned. "Sorry Tyler, I just want to talk about something besides my
cancer for one evening. I really don't mean to pry."
"It's okay, I guess I need to get over myself, but I'm just not comfortable
talking about my past."
"It's okay, but if you decide you need to unload, well, I am a licensed social
worker. I'm sure I've heard worse."
"Thanks, Steve. I appreciate that." But he declined to say anything else.
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
After dinner Steve retired to the living room while Tyler helped Sammie clean
up.
"I hope all Steve's questions didn’t bother you too much," Sammie offered.
"Nah, he was okay. Maybe someday I won't be so ashamed about things."
Sammie frowned, "I can't imagine you doing anything to be ashamed of."
Tyler gave him an enigmatic smile. "Thanks."
After they had the dishwasher loaded and the leftovers put away, they went into
the living room to rejoin Steve.
"You want more wine or some coffee?" Sammie asked.
Tyler looked over at Steve. "No, thanks, but you probably should take me home
so Steve can get some rest."
"Oh, don't run off on my behalf."
“No, I really should be going, I have some chores to finish up.”
"Okay, I'll grab my jacket and we'll go," Sammie said.
"I'm really glad you came over Tyler. I hope you'll come back again. I mean
that."
"Thanks Steve, I enjoyed it."
"So you'll come back?"
"Yeah, I'll come back."
"Good. And maybe you can get Sammie to go out with you somewhere. Get him out
of the apartment and give me a break." Steve winked.
Tyler laughed but didn't reply.
Sammie walked over and kissed the top of Steve's head. "I'll be back home in a
little bit. You should go to bed."
Steve nodded, "Yeah, I think I will. G'night both of you."
λλλλλλλλλλλλλ
Sammie and Tyler got back into the Jetta and made the trip across town. When
Sammie pulled up in front of Tyler's apartment building he put the car in park
and turned to Tyler. "I'm glad you came over too," Sammie said.
"I had a nice time. Steve is really a nice guy, I can see why you love him."
Sammie smiled. "I do, but it’s not like that any more. Should I be jealous?"
Tyler laughed. "No, silly," he paused, thinking, then added. "Maybe that's part
of it. I mean, it’s easy to talk to him because I’m not so concerned with his
opinions or what he thinks of me. I’m not seeking to earn his approval."
"Tyler, you don’t need my approval, but you already have it. You more than have
it."
Tyler smiled. "Thanks, Sammie." He leaned over and kissed him.
Sammie pulled Tyler closer, deepening the kiss. When the kiss ended Tyler was
the first to speak. "I’d better go inside."
"Yeah."
Tyler opened the door.
"Tyler?"
"Yeah?"
“Thanks for being so nice to Steve. I know this has to be difficult for you.”
Tyler nodded.
“Can we go out again sometime?”
Tyler nodded again, then added, "You scare me."
"Why?"
"Cause I like you."
"I like you too."
Tyler nodded. "I'll see you Monday," and he was out the car door.
"Monday," Sammie sighed as he pulled the car away from the curb and headed back
home to Steve.